How To Legally Not Pay Taxes and Fuck Uncle Sam

Okay so you think this is another scam where you banish yourself from the United States. No way dude this is the best country in the world and I ain't leaving. Maybe some creative accounting. Come on you pee brains think about it we are the future generation...
Alright you have your head so far up your ass you can't see... Mikey will show you how. This is mostly legal and I give you this advice absolutely free. Ready... Here goes... STOP SPENDING
That's the fucking secert. Okay but that is how our whole fucking economy is based.. So what??
Here are the places to fuck the man, screw the economy and feel better about yourself... Stop paying use taxes... Huh. That's right taxes that are crammed up your ass because they can taxes. Like what you ask? Try these puppies...
Do you really need the latest cellphone, purse, TV, video game? No you can wait dude. Be a little patient and buy it on sale or when the price drops. Your friends may think you're a dork but who cares. You'll have extra cash and Mikey will think your cool as shit for reducing your sales tax exposure.
Keep that shitbox you drive just one more year. The new car smell is nothing compared to that fine blend of stale cigarettes, coffee sludge and and old gym shorts. By some air freshener and keep on trucking...
Prepare more of your own foods. Hey we all like to go out to eat but come on McDonald's? Taco Bell? If your gonna splurge at least make sure its worth it... Eat a Hooter's
Hotel Tax.. Are they for fucking real.
Give up smoking. (I was a smoker) Fuck them. They keep taxing the hell out of them claiming additional health care costs. I'd love to see how much of that tax goes to health care.
Don't buy booze. (alright I admit this is a tricky one. We all need a drink every now and then) so lets just cut back.
Don't buy gas... (again kinda tricky but we can minimize it) You don't need a hybrid. You need to plan your excursions. Walk, ride a bike or take mass transit more often. (And minimize the trips to your mother-in-laws.)
Buy used items from Craigslist, garage sales and the newspaper. I am sure that taxes are supposed to be reported on that old pair of roller skates and the man is looking for a way to fuck you outta more of your dough so the legal way... Swap.. No not your wife pervert. The barter system. Will Uncle Sam shit himself if we traded some old Cd's for cleaning of your gutters. Maybe a home cooked meal in exchange for that old bicycle rim. Give it a try.
And my favorite of all Legal Prostitution baby. Give it away for free. You know shampoo her carpets, hang the new curtains, cook her a nice candlelight dinner, some soft music and all she has to do is dance. Alright that's a stretch but who knows... And for the record I will do any menial tasks for a good piece of ass...
The moral to the story is you work hard for your money. Why piss more of it away on taxes that are buried into your purchases? Its only a matter of time before Uncle Sam catches on so act fast. Oh and for the record I am not a tax professional so only use my worldly advice at your own discretion.
Mikey