Why I May Be Fascist and Should Be Elected as Chancellor of Education

You know the deal. In present day society you need to put a disclaimer on everything. I mean come on the coffee is hot. No shit if it wasn't you'd be wearing it. The floor is wet. Seriously the bucket of water, smell of cleanser and you holding a mop wasn't enough of a clue. Harmful or fatal if swallowed. I love to drink paint thinner with my Wheat Thins don't you?
Okay seriously I am not a Fascist or a Nazi. As a matter of a fact I am hugely opposed to Fascism and all that it represents (and no I don't want to join the Revolution or the American Communist party either). So please no racial slurs or death threats please... Thanks
Also to all the teachers out there trying to educate our children and truly caring thank you (Jen take a bow).

Okay so here it goes:
Compulsory education and why it doesn't fucking work. How should we fix it and why. An Essay on Educational Fascism.
If you have read any of my posts you must know by now that I am functionally illiterate. I barely have a grasp on the English language and therefore my grammar sucks. I fully blame it on my shitty compulsory education. As a matter of a fact I can barely even remember the names of most of my school teachers. I spent the better part of a year with them and they have just vaporized from my mind. Why? Because they sucked. They didn't teach by leading, they followed some bullshit curriculum written by some half wit douche bag. Losers sucking the huge educational systems left tit. ( I know its the left tit cuz if it was the right tit the schools would be Fascist) Now as a fine example of a teacher I remember to this day, a prime example of school Fascism and why it would work is Mr. Franz. He taught 8th grade American History. He was German and he was a Nazi (in a figurative sense). So why was he an excellent teacher? Why was I so inspired by him that I would bother to write about him? Because I learned. That's right I learned and it was by fear and respect. "You Will Learn" he'd shout from the front of the class. You were never late for his class, you never chewed gum in his class and you always paid 100% attention to his every word. You sat at the edge of your seat feverishly writing down every word... every breathe... and why? Because at any given moment he might call upon you. He would interrogate you in front of the class. And you would WANT to know the answers. He didn't follow some textbook...This dude wrote the fucking book. Here it is like 22 years later and I remember those lectures like it was yesterday. [Mind you when I say Fascist and Nazi I mean it in a figurative sense. We were never beaten or physically harmed. And mentally he only made my brain burn.]
Alright allow me to explain. Lets start with textbooks:
BURN THEM... 'Huh now Mikey has lost it'. Why is it that I can go to the bookstore and buy a cloth bound coffee table book with beautiful photos and bright vivid colors for like $20.00 bucks yet the United States of America, the largest economy in the world can't buy fucking books. WTF!!! I can do it yet these dumbasses can't get this accomplished. Here's a fashion question. Why do styles and trends repeat themselves? So the schoolbooks don't look so out of date. Give the kids a Kindle or a laptop and burn the books. Haven't they heard of PDF's?
New Math= New World Order. What is wrong with the old math? I mean you know... If the bill is $10.25 and I give you a $20 and a quarter you give me back a $10. You don't need the register to tell you, no need to call the front end manager, just give me my fucking change. We have virtual Geometry. I mean really for over 2000 years they were teaching it wrong? The little bastards even get to use calculators. WTF... Lazy degenerative society. Simpletons.
I am a School Fascist and therefore strongly support school UNIFORMS. Why? Because it works. Look at parochial schools. Enough Said.
Why are your kids fat? No gym. Or 'No Fat Fuck Left Behind'. I know they still have gym but minimally. This day in age we can give the kids a well balanced meal and have them run around the track a few laps.
And speaking of "no child left behind" bullshit. So you have one dumbass that just doesn't get it the remaining 28 kids in the class have to suffer. Give me a break. When I was in school there was segregation. And not by race, color or creed more so like Dumb, Dumber, Dumbest and Fucking Brain Dead...So anyway don't isolate your stupid kid so he feels socially inept. No make sure that every other kid in the class learns less so your kid feels smart. Lower the standards so any moron can pass. Screw it lets just teach what's on the standardized tests so we can get more funding to waste more money not teaching jack shit.
Now do you know another reason your kids aren't learning and who is to blame? You the parents. That's right you bleeding liberals... Your kid needs to follow the rules because they are not special. He needs to be respectful. He needs to leave his 'pacifiers' at home (his Gameboy, PSP, Ipod, IPhone) Do you believe at last years back to school night the grunts and dismay from the parents when the Principle of the school stated "third offense we keep it to the end of the year" policy on your kids crap. That means after the parents had to come to the school twice to pick up this crap your little brat still didn't learn. Mommy and Daddy listen up. "Don't let you brat bring them to school and/or teach them disciple". Otherwise I as the Chancellor of Education will have to.
What happened to SHOP? Home Economics? Seriously we used to build birdhouses, bend metal boxes, rebuild carburetors on lawn mowers, change oil on cars... Bake apple pie, wash dishes, EGG Babies... Any of this shit ring a bell?
Computer Class now this is where I really get fucking pissed. I am seeing red and you about to get a Mikey's verbal ass whooping. When I was in school we had computer class in BASIC. Yes that's right no operating system. So we had to program the damn things. All day for the computer to say 'good morning' 'how are you'? So the little tike's now-a-days they have power point, excel, word, the Internet. Amazing they can navigate a computer like the best of them. They teach me how to use some of these programs. Now how does a computer work? Blank Stares... What is a bite? Bit? Binary code? Holy Shit!! so the little bastards don't have to use a typewriter. No more carbon paper, whiteout... Okay but that means the little shits shouldn't learn the basic concepts of makes a computer tick? Wasted youth.
This is the digital age. We can teach this mass population via satellites and the Internet. People get masters degrees online but little Johnny has to sit in a classroom and rot...

So Elect Mikey Chancellor of Education and I promise I will teach your kids. They will learn respect, discipline, hard work, how to dress, how to take care of themselves.