The Signs Of A Recovering Nicotine Junkie

"Hello name is Mikey and its been 49 days, 14 hours and 27 minutes since my last cigarette". No I actually didn't join SA (Smokers Anonymous) or whatever they call it but maybe I should have.
Allow me to fill you in on life from a 'smokers' perspective and maybe you can be a little more supportive and sympathetic to smokers . First and foremost we know its a filthy disgusting habit, we have the nicotine stained fingers and teeth, the shortness of breath and the smokers cough. We spend our time lurking in the shadows at the train stations, baseball games and we are the obnoxious pushy passenger trying to be the first one off the plane. This isn't an attempt to be rude. We wanna smoke. Not only do we want to smoke, we want to smoke and enjoy it without your stares and disgusted looks on your smug faces.
Smokers are an extremely sociable group in a 'cult' like why and we have a bond and deep understanding of each others vise and addiction. We are well aware of the many chemical additives and toxins added to our brand of smokes specifically to increase our chances of addiction and untimely death. We know this is a taxation cash cow and how we will ultimately become a burden on the health care system. But we are smokers and we don't care.
Now I am a 'Recovering Nicotine Junkie'. That's right I finally decided it was time to quit. "So how do you feel" you ask in that sarcastic 'I told you so' condescending voice? "Miserable, Depressed and Suicidal. I gave up the only true love in my life. The one friend that shared every margarita, sad moment and post sexual experience with me. Smoking is a way of life that allows you to create this bond with inanimate objects and colorful (and often smelly ) places. Smokers often are found outside trash bins, dark alleys and service entrances. We are the present day lepers and are treated accordingly. Please realize that I still hang with my smoking buddies as I'm not going to abandon them because of my change of lifestyle. Plus non-smokers are fucking boring and lame, they want to save money, save their health and save the plant. Smokers on the other hand want to smoke the trees, huff Carbon Monoxide and watch other people exercise as we sip our coffees and puff away. These are the things that make smokers tick.
Some of the signs of a 'Recovering Nicotine Junkie' are relatively easy to spot while others not so much. I particularly have issues when shopping for food. To aid in my smoking cessation I would love to devour an entire side of beef, a bag of chips and a bushel of clams. The problem is people who quit smoking generally get fat, therefore I wander the food store isles looking for that one thing that will possibly soothe my craving for nicotine while I watch my diet. I suffer from insomnia, waking up constantly throughout the night because the first thing a smoker does when they awaken is smoke. I often linger around cigar shops and smoking lounges hoping that the cool people will chat with me as I deeply inhale the residual smoke.
When I am short and terse or loud and unruly towards you please don't take personally because I didn't realize you were self centered idiot until I actually stepped out of the shadows. My immediate needs for attention only became evident once I didn't have a pacifier to take keep me quiet and in order. I walk around like a zombie without a particular destination or plan in mind.
If am going to get a sign for my chest that reads "Don't Mind Me I'm A Quitter".